Nightguide Article

When the Webmaster Moved down from JHB to CT, he promised himself never to set foot in any Gauteng town or city, ever… Unfortunately certain circumstances may have resulted that we were forced to go up to the Province of Evil yet again. Nightguide went up to Brakpan to experience, first-hand, the warmth of it’s people and their unique Brakpan Culture, while still managing to do some business… even visiting the local Swinger’s club and reading bed-time stories to some little ones. Luckily for us, we had the camera handy to capture most of it on film, and can now do a full report on our Brakpan excursion…
Upon arriving at the JHB Airport, we quickly gathered our luggage, and headed for Brakpan.... along the way, we stopped at one of the friendly and convenient petrol stations to use the toilet. Unfortunately toilet paper was an issue to be dealt with, and I simply had to keep myself in until we reached Sarel Koekemoer’s (The guy kind enough to invite us to come party with him up in Brakpan) home…
Along the way to Sarel Koekemoer’s place, we passed the very impressive Brakpan Mansion of I believe belongs to Koos Retief. This amazing home is apparently on the market at a give-away of only... R 1,5 mil. The Brakpan municipality maintains the pool, although it does run dry if no rain falls. Parks board officials do the lawn and gardens if and when vegetation becomes a fire hazard. Electricity is for free, and available only when the streetlights are on, but the windmill supplies running water…
Arriving at Sarel Koekemoer’s (Our host for the weekend) house, we discovered that his Nephew also came to visit… Sarel told us that it will not be a problem, and that he has more than enough space. He also ensured us that if he runs out of space, he can quickly organize another motor-home…
Did I mention that Sarel owns a Limmo… yip; he picked us up in this beautiful shiny Limmo!! He says it is safe to park it in front of his house too!!
Unfortunately Brakpan do have it’s problems like any other place… apparently people are always on the lookout for salvaging metal or copper for recycling… cause every kilo of scrap might just be another stop of Parrot Salad… better known as Dagga… So Sarel Koekemoer introduced us to his other ride… and this then explains why it is made from a wooden framework… so no-one will steal it stupid!!
After offloading all our baggage we got comfortable, but Sarel asked us to help him with the lawn so we can play the National Brakpan Back-garden Game…It’s called Toilet-Tossers!! This is his new, patented Lawnmower… although he doesn’t know if it works… cause fuel’s more expensive than beer…
Needless to say, helped him with the lawn, and then it was time for…. Wait for it…. Toilet Tossers… Here you can see Sarel Koekemoer in action while the Picmaster’s admiring his style and accuracy…
While playing Toilet-Tossers we realized that we would run out of beer soon. Luckily Sarel Koekemoer had his handy “Palm-top” with him, and made a note to get some more
While going to the shop, Sarel also picked up his daughter’s birthday cake. She turned 22 the next day, and he had the cake specially made…
That evening we had a pool-braai. Sarel ensured us that the plakkie-flip-flop-floaters for the power lead was perfectly safe, and they do it all the time. We got into bed early, as sarel promised us a trip out on his Bass-boat to go grab a few big ones!! We were all so excited... especially the IcePrick!!
Morning broke, we were up and early, and Sarel Koekemoer had his Brakpan Bass-boat launched in no-time at all!!
Unfortunately our fishing trip was rudely interrupted by a phone call from Sarel’s wife, Martie, informing us that Vlooi, the cat, needed to go to the vet. Here is Vlooi in his custom Brakpan-Cat-transporter…
Getting back from the vet with Vlooi, the cat, we discovered that Hond, the dog, also had issues… he got stuck up an electric pole… Can’t teach an old dog new tricks… yea right… we had to get the fire brigade in on this one…
Having sorted out Vlooi the cat, and Hond the dog, Fluffy the Crocodile also wanted some attention and came banging on the backdoor. Not getting any attention from us, he ate the garden boy out of desperation, and then headed over to the neighbors as you could hear they had poodles howling…
Sarel’s neighbor had a Garage sale, although we are still not sure what’s for sale… he did mention that some items do need some cosmetic touch-ups…
Sarel’s neighbor did have a clear warning sign that he have dogs…. It’s a must for all living in Brakpan…
Meet Sarel’s daughter, Liesbet. Here she is showing off her beautiful body in the front garden. She was Miss Brakpan for 2003, but they found out that she lied about her age and she got disqualified, leaving her with a slight eating disorder… Here she is in one of her better moods, getting her body toned for Miss Vaaldam. She and the IcePrick struck it off well...
What we love about the Brakpan City center is that everything is situated conveniently. A lot of thought went into planning this “Dorp”… and the municipality went to great lengths to ensure a convenient shopping experience… The IcePrick and the PicMaster were both smiling...
That evening, we went to visit a club. Although the Fire Exit were a bit confusing, we did manage to find it after the 3rd fire alarm went off...
Brakpan People do believe that liens communicate with them via movies, and that extraterrestrial beings park their space-mobiles at the local drive-in on full moon. Here you can clearly see the hidden message from the forces…
Local police in Brakpan also report that shoplifting is almost non-existent in Brakpan… this might explain why…
On the second evening, we were once again invited for a braai… this time it was kind of cold, so we skipped the pool-braai for something more traditional…
After the braai we had to tell a bedtime story to Lula, Liesbet’s little girl. She dramatized the story for us, and it ended up something like this…
Liesbet saw the result of our bedtime story, and decided to tell her own version of the 3 Bears...
The next day, out of the blue, we were suddenly invited to a wedding… such friendly people!! Brakpan people are the best!!
Luckily the Brakpan Weather-station predicted good weather for the wedding…
We had a great time at the wedding, and everyone had a sip of the “home-brew”…
Some of the people that attended the wedding did drink a little too much, and as they were on duty at the Brakpan mine, it was unavoidable that there would be a slight accident sooner or later. Luckily the girl that got married’s brother was the mine-captain on duty…
The next morning, and our last day at Brakpan, the weather took a turn for the worst… but the Brakpan people did find a way to market themselves yet again…
Before we could make excuses, Sarel's wife had some chickens marinating!! She also told us that we didn’t even try their Jacuzzi yet!!
And so they fired up the Jacuzzi...
The next morning it was time for us to leave... the dog called Hond, that climbed the electric pole, was feeling much better, and in true Brakpan fashion showed us just how good he was feeling!!
On our way back to the airport, the warmth of Brakpan yet again caught our hearts as we left town with this great sign greeting us…
The locals even erected a sign for us, just to say bye!!
Even the Brakpan-swingers club came to say goodbye at the airport!!!
Not to mention the mayor in his new Limmo!!
Cheerse people of Brakpan... see ya soon!! Not too be taken toooooo seriously.... awe bru?